10 Ways to stop your hated desires before they stop you


We all as humans have one or two things we consciously or unconsciously get drown into doing either to derive pleasure or to keep ourselves busy. But in the real sense of it, we are not happy doing it because it is believed to be morally or religiously wrong. If getting out of such a habit is a problem to you then, these ‘10 Ways to Stop Your Hated Desires before They Stop You’ is for you. For the avoidance of time wastage, go through the list as religiously as possible.

Try to know the disadvantages of such an act:  Apart from it being morally or religiously wrong, you should take it upon yourself to know what the medical implications are and how it is affecting your social life. When you know these, you may realize that you are actually committing suicide without even knowing it and that may help you to have a change of heart. Remember, a problem known is half solved; it is, therefore, important to know whether what you think is an enjoyment is a problem for you or not.


Tell someone:  Discussing it with a trusted friend is very important but I will suggest you bring up the topic in such a way that he/she would not know that you are the one involved. This strategy is necessary because it will enable such a friend to give his/her sincere opinion concerning the subject matter. Mind you, discussing it should not be limited to only your friends. Extend the approach to close relatives and other elderly ones around who have what to offer. In doing this, disguise yourself as a third party in the discussion so as to avoid being too victimized and to minimize the knocks you would have gotten from them.

Don’t rush yourself out of it: No matter how strong you will want to get rid of such a habit, don’t try to rush yourself. You have to bear in mind that before this act became a habit, it did not start overnight but gradually to what it became. So, it can only but go gradually to the level you will want it to be. There is no rocket science to overcoming such an act. In fact, this desire will always be there but not as hot as it was when you started following these steps. It will die naturally as far as you can follow this step judiciously from the top to the bottom.

Seek counselling:   Seeking counselling is different from talking to someone as I had mentioned above. It is a more professional and realistic approach to the issue if it persists. At this stage, you have to open up to an experienced counsellor, explaining to him/her as much as you can how it all started. Endeavour to answer the questions that may arise from your discussion with the counsellor with utmost sincerity.  You may want to say, “I can’t afford to hire a counsellor” but let me put it to you that a counsellor does not necessarily have to be someone high up there that you have to apply to see. A counsellor can be a leader in your religion, a person you respect for his/her wisdom and maturity around your community or the regular professional counsellor. The more you talk about this issue, the faster you will be relieved of it. The steps below are some of the things your counsellor might ask you to do.

Avoid anything that will remind you of the act:   For you to be really freed from this hated desire of yours, you have to avoid things that will easily trigger the thought of it. If the act is pornography, avoid websites, magazines, shows and the likes that have an element of pornography in it. Use filters on your browser to avoid stumbling to pornography laden sites. You know yourself better than any man or machine. You know what your body and emotions can carry. For instance, I am easily moved to tears whenever I see an adult crying. So, to avoid shedding tears when I don’t want to, I always avoid eye contact with any crying adult. A very good way to avoid things that will remind you of the act is in the next step.

Guide your thoughts: The Holy Book says, “From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,” so if you want to completely cleanse this habit of your life, you have to start the cleansing from your heart where 100 per cent of your thoughts are generated.  You have to guide your thoughts diligently by always filling it with thoughts of more pleasant things of life. Whenever the hated desire comes hurting in your heart, quickly turn your thoughts to something else, like thinking of the happiest day of your life, going through your picture gallery, read an interesting book, watch a funny movie or just take awake from the comfort zone of the desire. No matter what it takes, try by all means to swiftly switch yourself to a different mood entirely immediately the hated desire comes. Yes, it is possible; don’t give any room for any habit to take control of your life. The next stage will help you better in guiding your thoughts.

Don’t bore yourself: We mostly develop some bad habits out of being bored. Being bored means being unproductive, so, don’t allow yourself to be bored if you really want to get rid of this your habit or this desire you hate so much but keep finding yourself doing. The last three steps will help you to avoid being bored.

Don’t be alone for too long:  Though having some quiet time is a good thing but being alone for too long can be a disaster especially when you are trying to get rid of a desire that you hate to have. Even if you work from home, no matter how many jobs you have to do on the Internet, how many memoranda you have to prepare or how many books you have to write, you have to avoid being there for too long alone. This is pertinent because no matter how much you enjoy doing something productive, it will get to a point that you will be tired of it. Once you start losing interest in that productive activity you have been involved in all along and alone, the next alternative will be something unproductive or negative. So, it is advisable to sometimes leave what you are doing for a prolonged period of time for a walk, call a friend or go play with the family. If you can take such a break, you will be surprised the kind of good it will do to you.

Try a new activity: As you are trying to get rid of this old habit, you must also try to develop a new positive one. This is necessary because if you don’t have what you will use to replace the old habit you are trying to get rid of, it will come back stronger than ever. It will be like the biblical illustration where a person possessed by a demon was delivered but failed to refill himself with the “word of God” and then the demon returned into the body seven times stronger.

Stay busy: “An idle man is the devil workshop,” goes a saying, so, if you are tired of this your hated desire, you have to always get yourself engaged in a profitable venture. When you have worked yourself up very well doing something profitable, you will be too tired to return to your vomit which is this your hated desire.

Since you are reading this right now, it means you have completely exhausted the ten steps mentioned above that can help you to stop your hated desire before they stop you. If you left out any point, I will urge you to go back to it and exhaust it, digest it and interpret it as much as you can. There is no doubt that your life will never remain the same if you can follow these steps judiciously. Don’t forget that the power to be anything or make out anything of your life is in your hands. Take the driver’s seat of your life today and live a happier and more fulfilling life.

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